i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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