I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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