Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
