It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
