Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
