I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
