So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
