Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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