it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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