you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
CTFD. Thereโs plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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