More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize