I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
