so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
