I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
