My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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