Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
