I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
