we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
