I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
