I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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