By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
