Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
