I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
