he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This toilet bowl is my home.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
