Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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