I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
