He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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