Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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