FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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