Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
