I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need water and some morals
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
