I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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