He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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