I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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