Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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