Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
