how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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