you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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