So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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