Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize