that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
