Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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