Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
