I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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