why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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