she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
