I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
