can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Pants are for mortals
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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