you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
