I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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