I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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