i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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