do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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