I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
