I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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