I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
