I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
