she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
