Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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