im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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